If You Only Knew
by Marchitayska
Summary: You helped me live and learn... Just the standard holiday fic. Something lighter than my recent works. Rolivia. Rated M for the start. Smut. Merry Christmas everyone xx


It was requested that I write a little 'happy' Christmas story, so here is a little something I have come up with. Not sure I've nailed the happy but well enjoy it anyway!

Set somewhere around season 18. Noah and Jesse exist and the relationship between Olivia and Amanda is established.

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"This world will never be what I expected, and if I don't belong, who would have guessed it? I will not leave alone everything that I own, to make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late."

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Olivia slowly stirs from her peaceful slumber on Christmas morning. Her chocolate brown orbs gently easing open in order to adjust to the light surrounding the room she now shared with her girlfriend of three years. Amanda. The blonde and her daughter had moved in with Olivia and Noah almost ten months ago now. This was their first Christmas morning waking up in bed together. Something that was truly exciting for the brunette following many, many lonely holidays in the past. Shuffling closer to her girlfriend, Olivia places her arm over Amanda's peacefully sleeping body. Her bare skin beneath the brunettes arm like silk to her touch. Placing a soft kiss against Amanda's neck, Olivia softly coaxes her from the depths of her slumber. The loving action of the older woman not enough to wake her sleeping partner, so she perseveres a couple more times before the blonde eventually grunts at her.

Amanda has never been a morning person in the last five years that Olivia has known her. The number of days the blonde had been late arriving at the precinct was astounding, she didn't expect the disliking of the early hours to change just because it was Christmas morning. A soft chuckle escapes the brunettes lips as she continues to kiss Amanda's neck and get complaints in return, until the younger detective finally turns onto her back, allowing her girlfriend to plant a firm kiss straight onto her lips.

"Mmmm." Amanda moans, less grumpily than her grunts just a few seconds prior.

"Good morning." Olivia beams at the blonde, her grin spreading from ear to ear.

"Mmmm." Amanda moans again, reaching up and pulling Olivia to lie half on top of her. Olivia's lips once again meeting her own in a searing kiss. Her tongue instantly begging for access to her brunette girlfriends warm mouth.

Their kiss quickly becomes heated. Amanda's one hand buried deep in dark brown locks whilst the other draws aimless patterns across Olivia's back. Olivia's hands freely roaming the front of Amanda's very naked body, searching every inch of her bare skin. The smoothness of the milky white expanse sending a rush of arousal to her core, compounded when her strong yet nimble fingers come into contact with Amanda's erect nipple. Rolling the dusky pink peak between her fingers, the blonde emits a moan straight into her own throat. Their lips working sensually against each other. Neither wanting to break, if even just to catch their breath.

Olivia's long fingers travel gingerly down her girlfriends quivering abdominal muscles, heading to the warmth she can already feel being emitted at the apex of Amanda's thighs. The brunette breaks their kiss, only in order to catch her breath. Both women's chests heaving as they try to breathe. Olivia's lips move alone Amanda's jaw, leaving a trail of wet open mouthed kisses in their wake, until she reaches the super sensitive spot on the blondes collarbone. Sucking the soft flesh into her mouth with a pop. The action earning a rather loud, extremely guttural moan from her girlfriend who is currently squirming underneath her. Desperate for the brunettes touch between her thighs.

Just as Olivia's fingers dip into the dripping folds of Amanda's core, Noah barges through their bedroom door, coming rushing in with a squealing Jesse in his arms balanced precariously in his small arms.

"Uuuuuuugggghh." Amanda groans in frustration, earning an apologetic look from Olivia as the brunette quickly puts the slightest amount of distance between them.

"Merry Christmas." Noah screeches as Jesse continues to squeal with excitement.

"Merry Christmas my sweet boy." Olivia greets her son, taking the toddler from his arms and placing her down between the two women, careful to keep herself and her naked girlfriend led beside her covered with the duvet. Amanda quickly scooping her daughter up and kissing the fidgety toddler, before allowing her to move around the covers.

Noah climbs onto the bed himself and throws himself into his mother's arms. Olivia showering him in sloppy kisses.

"Can we open presents now? Santa has been." The young boy tells boy women. Amanda merely grumbling about the time discontentedly. Olivia can't help but grin at the situation. Jesse isn't yet old enough to understand the magic of Christmas so this is all new to her girlfriend.

"Tell you what my sweet Noah. Take Jesse into the living room and I'll be there in a few seconds ok?" Olivia asks her son, as he scrambles to get of the bed. Excitement in full force for the nearly five year old. Olivia places Jesse back on the floor and Noah guides her out of their room.

"Amanda." Olivia says softly. The blonde now having covered her face with the duvet.

"Mmmm." She responds from her buried position.

"Come on, they're excited." Olivia tells her.

"So was I all of two minutes ago." The blonde pouts, revealing her face with a groan. Olivia grins before placing a quick chaste kiss on her girlfriends lips and getting out of bed. Amanda's eyes never leaving the older woman's figure as she quickly grabs some lazy clothes and pulls them on before heading to the living room where the kids are happily playing.

Lying alone in the bed Amanda shares with her girlfriend, the blonde stares at the ceiling. Thinking about how much her life has changed in the last five years since she transferred from Atlanta to Manhattan. The change was slow for the first two years or so, things gradually getting worse in her life. Her drinking becoming a major problem. Until one night. The twenty seventh of December three years ago, she'd been so drunk that she'd slipped and broken her wrist in the ice. Nothing especially unusual considering the snowy and icy conditions at this time of year. But she didn't have an emergency contact and since she also sustained a concussion, the hospital had rang her Sergeant. Olivia had shown up at the hospital and not left her side for the twenty four hours that she was under mandatory observation. The brunette had learnt a lot about her in that short time, and she'd learnt a few thing too, including her superiors attraction to her. She'd never admit it out loud, but Olivia had probably saved her that day.

"What you thinking?" Olivia asks the blonde from her position leaning against the doorframe, a cup of coffee being nursed between those strong hands of hers.

"About that day." The blonde admits vaguely. She doesn't need to elaborate, Olivia knows the one she is referring to well.

"What about it?" The older woman asks, her eyebrow raised and her face showing the faintest hint of concern.

"Just that it was the last time I had a drink. The day everything started to look up in my life. The day my whole world began to change for the better." Amanda answers her with a smile.

"You know I'm so proud of you, everything you have achieved since then. The strength and determination you have shown. You're one hell of a woman Rollins." Olivia tells her, slipping into old habits and using her surname.

"Well I have you by my side." Amanda says sincerely, smiling softly at her girlfriend.

"Are you planning on joining us?" Olivia asks, amusement written all over her face since the blonde really hates getting up in the mornings.

"Depends" Amanda quips.

"On?" Olivia responds, a single eyebrow raised.

"Is that coffee for me?" Amanda asks cheekily, earning herself an eye roll from the brunette. Something she had picked up from the blonde over the years.

Making her way into the bedroom, Olivia places her cup of coffee down on the bedside table before leaning over and quickly kissing Amanda then standing back up.

"It was my coffee, but seeing as it's Christmas and I want the kids to open their presents with both their mothers present, you can have it. But hurry yourself out of bed, they're waiting for you." Olivia tells her with a smile before leaving the bedroom once again to attend to the screaming of Noah in the living room.

Five minutes later, Amanda emerges into the living room to one of her favourite sights. Her daughter sitting on Olivia's lap on the floor, both the children playing with something as Olivia joins it. Her perfect little family chattering away, Jesse mostly just babbling since she hasn't quite got the talking down just yet. Amanda can't think of anything more perfect than the scene before her. Quietly slipping into the kitchen, the blonde refills Olivia's mug with coffee from the pot before heading into the living room to join her family. Deciding to sit on the floor next to her girlfriend. Both of their backs leaning against the couch.

"Manda, can we open presents now?" Noah asks the blonde.

"It's up to mommy dude." The blonde tells him.

"Mommy said we had to wait for you." He says to Amanda.

"Did she now. Well then I guess we can open presents then." Amanda tells him as she ruffles his unruly curls, getting an excited cheer for the young boy, her own daughter joining in with making happy noises.

Both women sit and watch the happiness on their children's faces as they open various gifts from them and of course from Carisi and Fin as well. Olivia's arm around her girlfriends shoulder, holding her close as she sips her coffee between helping Jesse with paper and watching Noah's excitement. There is paper everywhere by the time Noah and Jesse have finished. Toys and clothes mixed up amongst the mess. It feels like hours have passed, both children having been spoilt like crazy by their own mother and the other woman. Their living room a sea of gifts.

With both children exhausted from all the excitement of Christmas morning. Amanda takes them to their room, putting them down for their nap. When she returns, she finds Olivia in the kitchen, starting their traditional Christmas dinner at the sink. Amanda steps up behind her, wrapping her arms around the taller woman, placing a soft kiss against the exposed bare skin at back of her neck since her hair is secured in a messy bun atop her head.

"I got you something you know." Amanda tells Olivia.

"I got you something too." Olivia responds.

Leaving Olivia at the sink, drying her hands, Amanda heads to the bedroom quickly, grabbing the gift she had secretly hidden away weeks prior. When she returns to the kitchen, she finds Olivia standing, waiting for her, leaning against the counter. Amanda hands her the brown envelope and waits sheepishly for her girlfriend to open it. Her eyes glued to the floor nervously.

"What's this?" Olivia asks slightly concerned.

"Open it." Amanda tells her.

The brunette opens the envelope, extracting the documents that are residing inside. She quickly scans them not saying a word. The silence finally gets the better of Amanda and she looks up to read the reaction on her girlfriends face, seeing her eyes filled with unshed tears, a single drop leaking down her face.

"Are you sure about this Amanda?" Olivia asks her.

"Yes Liv, I'm sure. I want you to be Jesse's mother legally. She loves you, I love you. We want you in our lives permanently." The blonde confirms, Olivia's eyes overflowing as she pulls Amanda into her embrace.

"I love you both too. Our family is perfect." Olivia beams, talking softly into the blondes hair, until she pulls back, quickly disappearing to the tree to collect the last gift remaining underneath it.

Olivia hands the box to Amanda, the blonde eyeing it suspiciously.

"It isn't going to bite. Open it." Olivia tells her.

Carefully the blonde rips the paper from the parcel to find a plain brown cardboard box. She gives Olivia a look before opening the box to find another box. A black box containing a mug that you decorate yourself. Opening the black box, Amanda extricates the mug from its secure packaging. A simple white mug with a number on one side. 1093.

"I wanted to remember this day, our first Christmas. 1093 days since you last had a drink, and this..." Olivia trails off, fishing a small black jewellery box from the pocket of her pants. Opening it up, she turns the box around to face Amanda, her eyes glued to the blondes.

"Amanda Rollins, will you marry me?" Olivia asks, her heart hammering in her chest. She's hopeful the blonde won't say no, seeing as she just gave her second parent adoption papers to her daughter, but still she's nervous.

Amanda stands completely dumbfounded for a few seconds, before a huge smile spreads across her face. Without saying a word, she pulls a similar box from the pocket of her own pants and opens it to show Olivia.

"I can't say no if I was going to ask you the same question now can I?" The blonde finally says, a huge grin plastered on both of their faces.

This was turning out to be the best Christmas ever, for both of them.

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Light, fluffy, happy, and as usual nothing like I had planned but hey it's one day a year and everyone needs some happiness every now and then. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks to rich7195 for the challenge of writing something lighter for the holidays.

Merry Christmas everyone xx


End file.
